this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
