Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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