the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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