he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
