It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
