I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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