She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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