so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
