omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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