after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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