I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
