4 words: hood of his car
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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