i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize