I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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