I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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