it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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