just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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