i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
