He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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