you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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