I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
