a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize