Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
