Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
