Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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