$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
