I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
