drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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