Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
