well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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