I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
