I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
honey bunches of taint.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
