You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
