Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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