you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
