he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
