Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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