"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
