he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
