I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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