I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
