Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize