I smell stomach acid.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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