I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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