The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
