i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
