I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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