Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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