After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
