I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
