I think I won the penis lottery.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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