i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
