we need to drink 2009 down the drain
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
