I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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