I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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