I faked an abortion last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
