I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
