I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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