Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
