around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
