you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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