Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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