the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
is it fun? or sober?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
