it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
