There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
