Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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