he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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