Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
