will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I just sharted jello shots
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
