So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
