At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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