We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
