The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
