you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize