The maid of honor just puked.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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