he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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