last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
