A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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