Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
