This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
