I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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