how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
