i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
