he wants to bone in the snuggie
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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