I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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