I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
